People typically come to see me when they are in the middle of a huge transition time and their relationship is often the catalyst.
Having worked with so many people, I see common patterns and trends based on the type of relationship they are in.
I learned from my coach, Christine Hassler, there are basically 5 types of relationships.
I thought you might find it helpful to identify what type you may be currently in, why you may be struggling or why your relationship may have ended.
Issue Based Relationship
If you are in an issue-based relationship, your issues are what unconsciously attracted you to each other.
Often your issues were created in your childhood and are still effecting your life today.
For instance, if you have abandonment issues, you might attract someone who leaves you (emotionally or physically) and then comes back.
If you have trust issues, you may attract someone who will cheat and continuously lie to you.
Your issues can be the same, like the fear of rejection, which cause you to stay in the relationship even if it is not right for you.
Typically, the chemistry in this relationship is very powerful. This makes it very confusing, because the strong attraction make it feel like they are the one.
The truth is, the chemistry has to be strong because rationally we know they are not good for us, but the chemistry makes it hard to let go.
They may also feel comfortable, because it is what you know.
For instance, if you grew up in an alcoholic home then being with an addict feels comfortable, although rationally you don’t want to be with someone who has addiction problems.
Chemistry is the magnet that brings you together, but they are often a mirror for us and there can be a lot of projection.
Along with great chemistry and passion, there is often a lot of fighting.
You might call this a real hot and heavy relationship.
An issue-based relationship, can work out long term, but if you find yourself in one, you should work out your issues on your own.
It’s best to get therapy on your own.
It is a great relationship to show you what is still lingering in you from childhood.
Compatibility Based Relationship
This relationship could feel like a big sigh of relief after an issue-based relationship.
You have a lot in common…you enjoy the same music, books, types of food, etc. Often you practice the same religion. It has a best friend feeling and you hardly fight.
The only problem is there is not a lot of passion and it could turn into more like a roommate situation.
To shift this type of relationship you need to find polarity, because polarity is what creates passion.
Polarity is created when one person has more masculine energy and the other person has more feminine energy. It is not always based on gender.
Journey Mate Relationship
This person will come into your life, but the relationship always seems to have an expiration date.
You get involved and have great connection and passion, but then something happens like they go back to their exhusband/wife or they are forced to move or they discover they are gay.
Often it has a sudden ending.
This person came in your life to reflect something you need to learn and integrate into your own life.
Unfortunately often they have to go away in order for you to integrate what you learned.
I had a client who met a woman who totally fired him up and brought him back to life. He had lost his mojo related to work and she inspired him to finally start the business he had always dreamed of. She was a risk-taker and filled with optimism.
This made him feel fearless and on fire.
Then all of sudden her son was struggling and she decided to go back with her ex husband to provide stability.
My client was devastated and thought she was the source of his fire, but it turns out she came into his life to ignite that.
She had to go so he could integrate it on his own.
She reflected strength and courage within him, so he could eventually take off on his own.
On the surface, being in relationship with this person will seem perfect.
They probably check all the boxes on your checklist – right height, color of hair/eyes, animal lover, promising career, compatible religion…but it is only surface reasons why you are compatible.
Another reason you may be in a fantasy relationship is because you are at the right age to get married, so you are willing to try to make them something they are not.
Women, especially do this, because they always believe they change the man.
In this relationship, you are not seeing the reality of who, the person you are involved with, really is.
Or you may be going after an unavailable person thinking they will come around.
Side By Side Partnership
This relationship is represented by two people standing side by side, holding hands, looking in the same direction.
Both of you are committed to your own personal growth and growth together as a couple.
Typically, both people in this relationship have done a significant amount of work on themselves – not that you are ever “done” working on yourself.
No one is ever done growing, but there comes a point in life when you know who you are, you feel good about yourself and you feel like nothing is missing.
In this partnership, your core values and vision are in alignment.
What Type Of Relationship Are You In?
All relationships have the potential to be a side by side relationship.
I hope you now understand and see that all types of relationships serve us in some way.
Are you in one of these types of relationship? Do you find yourself repeating a particular type of relationship and want to get out of the pattern?
If so, click the link below to set up a free 60 minute clarity session with me.