Wanted to share with you a story of a client who came to me for help to tame her crazy thoughts.
Here is her story in her own words…
I began feeling anxious beginning back in high school. I was very worried that I wouldn’t make it into college, get a job or live the lifestyle I dreamed of. Even before the anxiety was the fear of failure and I’m fairly sure that panic and anxiety attacks have been a constant part of most of my life.
There was a constant overwhelming fear of the future and even if things worked out, it did not relieve the fear. I feared that I wouldn’t get into college, even though I got in fairly easily. As I was working on my Bachelor’s degree for 6 years, I constantly worried about getting a job after I graduated.
I also worried if my then boyfriend would marry me. He did and then I worried about if he was going to stay or if I was good enough for him. Money was another major worry and I was convinced that once I got a job, I won’t have to worry anymore.
Well I got a job fairly easily and then my worry shifted to keeping the job. Then there were the rumors of layoffs that made me anxious and I would be really hard on myself after even the smallest mistake.
It was ironic because the constant anxiety made me behave in a way that eventually became reality. My fear of not having enough money resulted in me not paying attention to my budget and I often spent more than I had. My overspending resulted in my making bad financial choices which left me constantly broke and stressed.
I didn’t want to lose my marriage, so I didn’t share everything with my husband. Any mistakes I made I hid them because I thought they would make my husband angry. I thought I would lose him if I shared my failures, so I didn’t set any boundaries. In my efforts to please him, I put my own needs aside.
I didn’t establish any boundaries with my job because I was in constant fear of getting fired or laid off. I tried to go above and beyond but I only ended up making promises I wasn’t able to keep. As a result I ended up being an outcast because I didn’t want to establish new relationships with my peers.
My mind was stuck in fear mode, which resulted in me doing addictive things to soothe my fears. In the evenings I drank alcohol, I ate too much and I became engrossed online instead of spending time with real people. Anyone who paid me the slightest attention or showed me understanding or validation, I clung to them since I was not giving those things to myself. I always feared of losing this kind of person and ultimately my clinginess always pushed them away.
My thoughts were like a wild horse, running around aimlessly with the fear of being imprisoned by walls it couldn’t see or even understand.
The Taming Begins
It wasn’t until my 10th year in teaching that I saw that the walls that were keeping me imprisoned were really my thoughts. Someone said that I should write down all the labels that I attached to myself. At first this made me even more anxious. I couldn’t separate reality from lies.
As I understood myself more, I quit my job and relocated on the other side of the country. This was going to stop my crazy thoughts for sure, but it didn’t. Once again I was scared of losing my new job, co-workers were backstabbing me and the horrible pattern was starting again!
After the move it was easier to see the repeating pattern. Although the pattern stood out most at work, it also showed up in my finances and my marriage. I felt imprisoned again and the anxiety returned but I couldn’t seem to escape it.
I started having even more panic attacks. I thought I would be stuck in this pattern forever and there was no escape for me. Awareness is the first step to getting the wild horse’s trust but there are many more steps that need to be taken before you can tame it.
How My Wild Horse Got Tamed
It was 2 1/2 years after my move that I started working with my life coach Wendy. She helped me to calm my thoughts and put an end to my fear based thoughts that kept me imprisoned for my whole life.
It was tough work; I would feel like taking two steps forward and one step back. However, my worrying thoughts decreased dramatically. My relationships all got better and I no longer needed validation, attention or understanding from others. I learned to find those things within me.
Below are some of the lessons that I learned on my journey so far:
1. Prioritize your needs. I found I had more panic attacks when I didn’t eat properly, get sufficient sleep or drink enough water. If we don’t meet our basic needs, our survival mode automatically kicks in and we live in constant fear looking for the next threat.
2. Relax more. I was surprised to learn that my fears were not actually real. Even when my mind didn’t buy this, I did relaxing breathing exercises to calm my mind. This instantly reduced my stress and allowed me to think clearer about any situation.
3. Redefine limiting beliefs. My life coach helped me to redefine how my beliefs created my fears. This helped me to eliminate the fears. When I get scared or anxious now, I use tools that my coach taught me to question and redefine my cause of my fears. Redefining is crucial because lets the subconscious mind know that the fear isn’t real. Saying affirmations over and over only impacts the conscious mind and doesn’t stop the fears from coming back.
4. Go easy on yourself. It will take some time to overcome anxiety and fear and forcing yourself to do it too fast will only bring on more anxiety. For the mind to accept change and feel safe, the change has to be done slowly.
Taking the time to calm your thoughts will free up the energy that you were putting into fear and you can refocus that energy in a creative and brilliant ways.
Give Your Mind The Attention It Needs
Need help giving your mind the attention it needs so that it can see life beyond your fearful thoughts?
Click on the link below to set up a complimentary clarity session…You don’t have anything to lose but the fear itself.