How To Stop Wanting Other People’s Approval
This post is the next in the series of how to stop worrying about other people’s opinion.
Click here to read the first article.
The Reason We Don’t Want People Not To Like Us
You many be tempted to make it mean that if this person doesn’t like me, then I must be unlikable.
Remember whether someone likes you or not has nothing to do with you.
Whether someone likes an apple or not has nothing to do with the apple. It has to do with their taste and opinions.
Have you ever met somebody and right away you didn’t like them?
I’ve learned the hard way, many times, that my first impressions are typically wrong.
Opinions are always based on our history, our preferences and our story of whether you will like some one or not.
You can’t control it and you will exhaust yourself trying.
You can just relax and be the best apple you can be and know that some people aren’t going to like you and that’s okay.
It doesn’t mean that you’re not amazing.
How To Handle Criticism
You are probably be OK with someone not liking you or prefer someone else, but you don’t want them criticizing you.
You don’t want to put yourself in a position where they are going to “hurt you.”
Here Is The Truth…
When you are putting yourself out there and doing what you do, you will probably be criticized.
That’s just the way it is.
So many people are unwilling to put themselves in the “line of fire” for criticism, because they are terrified of it.
What Is Criticism?
All criticism is, is somebody having an opinion of you.
You cannot please everybody. People are going to not like stuff you do.
If you can handle criticism, if you can handle people not liking you, your life will explode.
Just think of all the things you would be willing to do, the chances you would be willing to take…
Be willing to put yourself out there enough so people do have an opinion of you. People can either like you or not like you.
There Will Be Haters
Just assume the more people that know about you, the more you stand for something, the more haters you are going to have.
If you can allow space for that in your life, you will find your people.
That’s a beautiful thing.
Criticism Is NOT Painful
If someone says …
“You are so rude to your husband? Or “Don’t you think Janice looks very unprofessional?”
If we take it to mean something about us, it can be devastating.
The key is criticism in and off itself is not painful.
It is when somebody criticizes us and we take it on and believe it and we make it mean something about ourselves – then it is devastating.
Now for example and if someone is to say to you “I hate your green hair” you don’t really get devastated by it because you know you don’t have green hair. If someone makes a criticism towards you and it is something that you know is not true then it just washes over you.
It is when someone criticizes you and there is part of you that believes it, that it gets to you.
What Are You Making It Mean?
That’s when you start really hiding and getting away from that criticism because you don’t want to expose yourself to that.
The reason you don’t want to expose yourself to it is, because of what you are making it mean.
That’s really good to know. You are the one causing all your pain, not the people that are criticizing you.
Your believing it, taking it on and making it mean something.
You can allow people to criticize you and allow them to have opinions of you and allow them to judge you and not make it mean something about you.
Not make it mean that you are unworthy or incapable or not good enough, then it can actually have the opposite effect.
If you are feeling frustrated in your relationships because of the constant criticism and arguments, I’d love to help. Contact me to set up a free mini session to experience coaching with me.
Click here to read the next article in the series, Are You Seeking Other People’s Approval?.