Relationship Communication Quiz
The following questions will help you discover your particular style when it comes to relating to others.
Do you try to control conversations?
If you do, are you aware of it in the moment? Do you have a conscious reason for doing this? What are the feelings the underlying reasons for your need to control? Nervous? Impatience? Enthusiasm? Urgency?
What feelings come up when you meet a new person?
What about someone that you perceive to be more successful than you? Bigger or smaller? Better looking? How comfortable do you feel with others in general?
Do you tend to hold back in conversations or take a passive role, because you lack confidence or don’t know how to fully participate?
Do you have a conscious reason for doing this?
What are the feelings underlying that are holding you back?
Do you push down your feelings and opinions if they will upsets your spouse, family, friends, coworkers? If so, are you aware of doing this in the moment?
Do you withhold your feelings from your spouse, family, friends, coworkers?
If so are you aware of doing this?
Pick up three important people in your life.
Now think of feelings or anything you would like to share with them, but haven’t, for one reason or another. Do you know why you hold back?
Do you habitually cover up your feelings in front of others, whether by being serious, withdrawn, or shut down; hyper and chatty; or by making jokes and being flippant?
If so are you aware of doing this at the moment?
What percentage of your conversation with others feels authentic?
How often do you share your truth and feel open to others truth? How much of your talk is saying what you believe others want to hear? Trying to make impression?
Are you aware of what your body is doing as you are talking?
Do your hands move? Do your face and body language match what you’re feeling?
Worrying About What Other People Think
Do you have situations where you feel easily inhibited or passive?
Where you are confident?
Have you had the experience that when people say or do a certain thing, you shut down, modify or change?
If you are overly concerned with how others may react or that they may think negatively of you, you may hold back, just to make them like you.
The Problem With Holding Back
When you edit yourself to please others or get the response you are hoping for, you are sharing a fake version of yourself.
You are blocking your authenticity, and by doing so, you ensure will never by accepted for who you truly are.
How To Be Yourself Always
Being authentic is ultimately easier than trying to edit your words and behavior to match what you think others want.
When you are able to take the risk and say, “Take me for who I am. This is the real me.”
That’s when the magic happens.
I Feel Like…
Another way we confuse the true meaning in conversation is to misuse the words think, feel, know and believe.
For instance you might say, “I feel you’re making a big mistake,” when a friend tells you they are quitting school.
You don’t actually feel someone is making a mistake. It’s what your mind thinks.
The word feel can only be used to describe the sensation or an emotion you are having.
You feel hungry, angry, happy, etc.
In this situation, if you tuned in, you would realize you had an emotional reaction to what your friend said.
Instead you might say something like, “When you told me your quitting school, I noticed that I felt sad.”
That’s a lot different from, “I feel you are making a mistake.”
No One Makes You Feel Anything
You weigh what you weigh.
You feel what you feel.
Start watching your words and practicing telling it like it is and owning what you feel, think, believe or know.
This gives you back control over your life, rather than giving others that power over you.
It can be as simple as just asking yourself, “What is truth right now?”
Your relationships with others, is always defined by your relationship with yourself.
How To Have Straight Talk
Step By Step:
1. What is going on? Just state what’s going on matter-of-factly, with no drama, as if you were reporting it for a Magazine: “I walked in and saw your clothes and books all over the floor in the family room.”
2. What am I feeling? Scan your body to get clear on your feelings and emotions and then report the findings: “I feel disappointed and even a little angry.”
3. Explain the source of your feelings. Don’t make it about the other person. This will prevent the back-and-forth arguing. Simply state your own thoughts: “When I saw the room was a mess, I had feelings come up about my requests not being honored. I personally would like when I come home to see everything is picked up in the family common areas. It helps me feel calm when I get home.”
4. Ask for what you need. Be sincere. Make sure you don’t whine or complain. “I appreciate that you listened. I have a request. Before you leave to go out with your friends, would you be willing to pick up your stuff?”
Are you in an unsatisfying relationship? Not sure how to communicate what you want?
Book a complimentary clarity session to get clear on specific ways to start turning that around. Click on the graphic below to set that up.