Do You Feel Stuck In A Challenging Relationship?
It always comes down to this…
The Other Person Is The Problem
Clients try to convince me all the time that everybody agrees the other person is the difficult one.
You are not going to like this, but it really doesn’t matter.
So How Do You Make Your Relationship Better?
What matters is how you feel, when you think that they are difficult.
I know you have all the evidence, but that’s not relevant.
What’s relevant is when you choose to think they’re a jerk, how do you feel?
How Does Hating Them Make You Feel?
When you feel that way, then how do you act?
Do you pretend? Do you lie? Do you stick up for yourself and yell and shout and scream? Or do you go talk to your friends about your spouse behind their back.
Are You Behaving In The Way You Want To Behave?
You want them to change their behavior, but are you behaving in a way you want to behave?
Are you feeling the way you want to feel?
Remember that the way you feel…that’s on you!
Can you get to the place where you take responsibility for every single feeling and every single thought you have?
As soon as we do that, it takes you out of any kind of victim role.
How Do You Want To Be In Your Relationship?
Next step, deliberately decide who you want to be in relationship with this person.
I know you are very clear on how you want them to behave and who you want them to be…
How do you want to behave?
What do you want to think when it comes to this person?
How will that make you feel and then how do you want to act?
There’s nothing more powerful than deciding that you want to be a certain way – no matter how someone else acts.
What Is Your Truth?
Stand in your own truth and be who you want to be and not blame someone else for bad behavior – you just own your side of the fence.
I want to act kind.
I want to act calm.
I want to act peaceful.
It doesn’t mean you’re always going to be able to be able to get there. But that’s what you’re choosing.
You are not helpless.
You are not this person’s victim.
The Hard Part…
Other people have the freedom to be who they are and do what they want to do at all times.
You can try and control them and you can threaten them.
Ultimately, whether they decide to comply or not is up to them.
That is their choice.
They’re going to do what they are going to do and none of it has to have any effect on you until you allow it to.
They don’t have any power over you either.
You have the freedom to be exactly who you are and they have the freedom to respond and be exactly who they are.
When two people aren’t trying to control each other all the time, it is a really beautiful thing!
Take responsibility for your feelings, and your thinking, and your actions.
Give them responsibility for theirs, not in a blaming way, but in a releasing and in an allowing way.
What Are You Making It Mean?
It is important to remember that your partner’s behavior doesn’t “mean” anything until WE add meaning to it.
We get to decide what we make everything they do mean.
Ready To Get Started?
If you are ready to stand in your own truth and show up in all your relationships in a way that makes you feel confident and proud, I am here to support you!
Click here to set up a complimentary clarity session to get started.
Did you miss the first blog post on challenging relationships? Click here to check out, What Makes A Relationship Challenging?