So why don’t people change even if they say they want to?
I hear reasons all the time of why people think they can’t change, when talking to potential clients about coaching.
They want to change their life, but don’t seem to be able to or know how….
Here are the top 3 reasons why some people never change:
Reason 1: People are reluctant to change.
The first reason people are resistant to change is explained by Sigmund Freud, one of the most influential scientists in the fields of psychology and psychiatry.
He warned, “Most people do not really want freedom, because freedom involves responsibility, and most people are frightened by responsibility.”
True change requires letting go of blaming others or your circumstances and taking personal responsibility for the results you create in your life.
If, and when, you realize your mind and the way you are think are the true source of your happiness or unhappiness, then you realize you have the opportunity to create the results you want to happen in life.
Being The CEO Of Your Life
It’s like when people think they would want to be the CEO of the company they work for.
The recognition and the power of the title sounds appealing, but in truth most people couldn’t handle or wouldn’t want the pressure of being the CEO.
Most people actually want someone else to tell them what to do, when to do it and how to get it done.
That way, if and when there’s a mistake or something derails the plan, (because eventually, something always does), they can blame their boss or the company’s strategy.
They don’t have to take on the responsibility or blame for the mess up or mistake.
But, if you are willing to be the “CEO” yourself, you will have to start by taking total responsibility for your own happiness and fulfillment.
You can actually promote yourself to that powerful position by believing…
“Change takes place, because I’m now running the show. I am the one who is going to make things happen. If my plan and strategies don’t work out as planned, I am willing to accept that something I am doing needs to change, figure out how to adapt my plan and try something new. And most importantly, I will keep persevering and moving forward.”
Reason 2. Most people are externally focused and are attached to an externally-based identity.
We create an identity based on external things that happened to us usually as children, which caused us to believe we are good enough, smart enough, good-looking enough or we are not.
Instead of basing it on the core of who we really are – worthy and good enough!
Our sense of identity based on those beliefs influences our decisions of who we spend time with, where choose to live, what kinds of clothes we wear, etc.
When we make our story our whole identity, we unconsciously dampen any sparks of change, because they don’t fit inside our story.
We get so attached to our story, we loose touch with the vast possibilities that are within all of us.
Reason 3. People want to stay in their comfort zone.
People take huge comfort in what’s familiar.
Whatever they are USED to doing becomes their automatic default mode.
Whatever they are used to thinking and believing they will continue…
“People disappoint me.”
“I am fat and will always be fat.”
“I am unattractive and undesirable to the opposite sex.”
“I am not very smart.”
“I will always be broke.”
They know how to feel those things, even if it’s not be a desirable feeling, it’s highly predictable.
How To Change Your Life
Letting go of what’s familiar to you is like transplanting yourself on to a whole new world, where you don’t speak the language.
You would have to slowly learn how to interact in a new way, which involves a certain level of commitment and willingness to fail.
The new place and way of being is unfamiliar; it doesn’t feel predictable or comfortable at all.
You would have no idea what you’re going to get by being here.
You don’t know who to connect with in this new place.
Most scary of all, you don’t know what is going to happen.
You see all the people who seem to easily navigate the new world and you feel that you’ll never achieve that level of ease.
It feels hard and uncomfortable.
So, you dive back into what you’re used to, because at least there, you know exactly what you’re going to get.
True change takes real guts.
Change Your Story
One of the things I love most about my job is being able to witness the demonstration of boldness, my clients continually demonstrate throughout the process of coaching.
That subtle, but strong refusal to accept a story that they didn’t write.
The way they transform their pain and to create a new way of being in the world.
And, of course, being able to share in the discovery of all the new treasures their hard work brings about.
If you’ve ever delved into the process of real change, you know exactly what I’m talking about.
If you haven’t and you’d like to, start right now…just click the graphic below for a free consultation.